


Dearly Beloved

by letmegeekatyou



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Epistolary, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-18
Updated: 2014-02-17
Packaged: 2018-01-12 21:55:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1201993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letmegeekatyou/pseuds/letmegeekatyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marriage is a difficult subject for Sam and Cas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dear Sam

Dear Sam,

I know you said we don’t have to get married. And you are correct, it would be legally rather difficult to arrange the paperwork considering my lack of citizenship or any identifying documents, although I believe Dean has the skills to get around that. I wonder if, perhaps, you are afraid of making this official, afraid that something might happen to me. I know how hard it is for you to let anyone love you because of what has happened in your past. None of which is your fault, of course.

But I have been thinking about human wedding traditions and what they have to offer me. Us. I have been thinking about what I might tell you if we were standing in the front of a church, or in a courthouse, making a public statement of our relationship. What I would promise you.

I feel inadequate to explain my love for you, Sam, because it has been such a strange development. Something I never expected. At first, I suppose, I loved you because Dean loved you, and I trusted Dean. But then I saw how you fought, reluctantly but holding nothing back. I saw how you encouraged your friends, how readily you smiled even when it was difficult. I saw how completely you loved and how easily, despite all you have lost. How you put everyone in front of yourself.

You are so much more than anyone has given you credit for. You should have been a sacrifice, a pawn, a weapon—that is what was intended for you. That was your destiny. But you became a hero, instead.

Sam, I can never make amends for the ways I have hurt you in the past, but I can promise to always put you in front of myself. I can promise to love you endlessly, to try to return to you all the love you have put into the world. I promise to always let you know where I am, so that you will never have to worry about me. I promise to be honest with you. I promise never to leave you out of any decision that affects you. That affects us.

You have worked a strange magic on my heart, Sam Winchester. Even if I wanted to, I would not know how to stop loving you, because this love has become so much a part of who I am. It comes as naturally to me as flight once did. You are my new wings. You are my new grace. 

I don’t know if you will ever let me marry you, and perhaps I should simply give you this letter. But for now, I will hold onto it, waiting to see if you will give me the chance to say these things in front of our friends and family, such as they are. If you will let me make public all these things about you which I love so dearly and all the ways I intend to show you my love for the rest of our lives. Faith has not been easy these last few years, but I have faith in you, Sam. I have faith in us.

With all my heart,

Castiel


	2. Hey, Cas

Hey, Cas,

I feel like I need to explain what I said earlier, about getting married, and I think maybe this is the best way to do it, because I want to do it right. I don’t want you to think that I don’t love you or that I have doubts. You know I always believed in God and angels, but that’s nothing compared to how I believe in you. How I believe in us.

It’s just that I had given up on the idea of getting married. Every time I thought I was out of the life, something came along to take away the little bit of happiness I’d found—with Jess, with Amelia. Love has never been long-term for me, and part of me thinks it never can be.

I feel like I’m constantly facing down something terrible, but as long as I stay still, as long as I don’t make any sudden movements or turn my back on it, I can keep it from noticing I’m there. And I know how terrible that sounds, like I’m thinking about our future like some kind of monster, but I promise, I’m not.

Because the reason I’m so afraid to move is that you’re standing next to me, holding my hand, and if I move I’m just so scared I’m going to be pulled away from you. And I can’t lose you, Cas. I can’t. It would break me.

I want to marry you. I want it so badly. I want the whole, big, romantic thing with the flowers and tuxes and friends and family and you. I want to be your husband. I want you to be my husband.

I’ll get there, Cas. I’m trying. I’m working my way up that aisle to you, and seeing you standing there, waiting for me, that’s what gives me hope. I’ll meet you at the altar. Please don’t give up on me.

I love you.

Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted at http://sammysalive.tumblr.com/post/76285794064/part-one-hey-cas-i-feel-like-i-need-to

**Author's Note:**

> http://sammysalive.tumblr.com/post/76284433633/dear-sam-i-know-you-said-we-dont-have-to-get


End file.
